Ninjas Are Cool

With all due respect to Heidi Klum's personal masseuse, professional baseball players and Kathy Lee Gifford sweatshop workers, the coolest job in the world is being a Ninja. That's right, Ninja with a capital N. Why am I so into Ninjas? Its probably my admiration of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the old 80's TV show "The Master" starring Lee Van Cleef and Tim Van Patten, Ask A Ninja on youtube or the fact that I've been playing a lot of "Tenchu Z" for this week's review. Or maybe its the stealthy way they get around or all of their cool gadgets. Ninjas are the new pirates, so in order to be an informed consumer when the Ninja movie, throwing star toys, lunch boxes and underwear come out, here are some things you should know about the worlds coolest people.

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Top 5 Things You Didn't Know About Ninjas And Will Be A Better Person Once You Know Them

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1. Ninja as cheerleader - Don't believe me? Check out the synopsis of the movie "Cheerleader Ninjas", released in 1998.

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"A group of matronly church going women mistakenly blame a group of local high school cheerleaders for the proliferation of pornography on the Internet. Throughout their attempt to defend themselves, the pom-pom-pushing Happy Valley High Hamsters learn of the nefarious plot of one Mr. X to use them as his sexy test group for his new Internet Zombie Domination software."

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Now that's my kind of movie.

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2. Ninja as gamer - A group from Sweden that goes by the name "Ninjas in Pyjamas" (crazy Swedes and their goofy spelling) formed a clan in 2001 that plays competitive matches of "Counter Strike". They're considered one of the best teams in the world...by other nerdy Swedes.

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3. Ninja as Mel Blanc - Greg Eagles provided the voice work for Gray Fox, the cyborg Ninja from "Metal Gear Solid". But wait, there's more. Eagles has done a number of other voice over jobs as well. Besides providing the voice for Gray Fox, he also did the voice of DARPA Chief Donald Anderson. He did the voice of Luke Cage in "Marvel Ultimate Alliance" and Corporal Dell Morris in "Quake 4". Eagles also does cartoon voices.

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4. Ninja as buffoon - Some quotes from the greatest Ninja movie ever, "Beverly Hills Ninja" starring Chris Farley.

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- Haru: Hey, you hear the one about the lady who backed into a fan? It was a disaster. "Dis-assed" her.

- Haru: [Joey is chasing a chicken] Keep practicing, Joey, and someday you will choke that chicken.

- Sensei: Twenty five years ago, an ancient legend of this sacred art came alive. It spoke of a foreign child who would come among us and become a Ninja master unlike any other. How he arrived on our shores will forever remain a mystery. We Ninjas thought that this child would be the great white Ninja of the legend. We were wrong. We were very wrong.

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Okay, so maybe Ninjas should stick to falling through tables and avoid making movies.

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5. Ninja as deliver boy - The restaurant chain Ninja Burger is a group of Ninjas who secretly deliver fast food meals anytime, anywhere, within 30 minutes or less. If a Ninja fails to deliver on time they are required to commit Seppuku, also known as hara-kiri. The competition with Pirate Pizza, Otaku Bell and Samurai Burger is fierce. So maybe Ninja Burger is a parody website, but their dedication to the art of food delivery is impressive. If you're looking for a job, head over to http://www.ninjaburger.com/. Make sure you have your own Ninja sword and uniform.

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