Turning a video game into a movie has been about as successful as turning a rapper into an actor. It sounds like a good idea, but in hindsight some poor movie studio exec ends up getting fired for pitching an absurd premise that not even Quentin Tarantino could make plausible. As a lover of video games, I just have to accept the fact that movies with a video game theme suck. Just look at the history.
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“Tron” (1982), “Last Starfighter” (1984), “Final Fantasy” “The Wizard” (1989), “Super Mario Bros.” (1993), “Street Fighter” (1994), “Mortal Kombat” (1995), “Final Fantasy” (2001), “Doom” (2005), “Resident Evil” (2002, 2004), Bloodrayne” (2005), “Silent Hill” (2006) – every single one of these has been a dud. So when “Grandma’s Boy” came out in January of 2006 I completely ignored it until a couple of friends of mine told me about it. A movie about a 35-year old video game tester with a tagline of “Sex. Drugs. Nakedness. Rude Language…And proud of it!”? How could I resist?
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Before I get to the running diary of this funny (yet still incredibly flawed even for a video game movie) movie, let me give you a warning. This is an R-rated flick with – as the tagline clearly states – plenty of sex, nakedness and rude language. This is not “Finding Nemo” so keep kids away from this movie. There are also a couple of scenes that are just downright wrong, but again in a humorous, adult, did-I-just-see-what-I-thought-I-saw kind of way. If that’s not enough of a parental warning, I hope you have some money saved for child’s therapy. Now that you’ve been given your parental guidance suggestion, lets get going.
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Grandma’s Boy
Rating: R
Running time: 94 minutes
Release date: 1/6/06
Starring: Linda Cardellini, Allen Covert, Shirley Jones, Doris Roberts, Kevin Nealon
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:00 – The opening credits remind me this is a Happy Madison Production. This means Adam Sandler must of lost a bet to his friends and had to pay for them to make a movie about whatever they wanted to during a late night drinking binge. Over/under on the number of Sandler mooches will be in this movie – 10.
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:02 – The Sandler Mooch counter hits two right off the bat as the opening scene features two long time Sandler lackeys playing “Fight Night” on the Xbox. Jonathan Loughran, the cross-eyed linebacker from “The Waterboy,” is losing miserably to Allen Covert the movies main character, Alex. A quick check of Covert’s filmography shows he’s been in 13 Sandler flicks, 13!!! Covert must have saved Sandler’s life as a kid or something.
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:04 – Rob Schneider has a brief cameo, showing his range as he reprises his role as the delivery guy from “Big Daddy.” In this movie he has a different name but the same bad accent and hairstyle. Evidently he got a promotion or an inheritance because now he’s Alex’s landlord and promptly evicts him. Gee, I wonder where he could be heading? What’s the title of this movie again?
Sandler Mooch Meter: 3
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:06 – On the way to grandma’s Alex stops by his pal drug dealer Dante house. Dante (actual name, Peter Dante, very creative) has been in 8 Sandler flicks. Nepotism, its what pays for dinner! I quickly remember that Dante and Alex played boyfriend and boyfriend in “Big Daddy.” I wonder if this movie is what Sandler had to promise them in order to take those roles.
Sandler Mooch Meter: 4
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:07 – Alex giving lessons to little kids at a wedding on how to beat a video game. I now feel an odd kinship with this character.
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:09 - 11 – Disgusting yet hilarious scene involving Alex and a Lara Croft doll. No further description is required.
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:12 – We meet Samantha, played by the gorgeous Linda Cardellini (“ER”, Thelma in the “Scooby Doo” films). She is now the most beautiful woman, real or otherwise, to work in the video game industry and proof that movies are completely fictional.
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:15 – We meet my favorite character in this movie, JP. The movies antagonist looks like he’s seen “The Matrix” about 50 times too many as he’s dressed like the love child of Neo and Trinity, right down to the full length leather jacket. I don’t know what makes me laugh harder, the actor playing this guy or the fact that I saw three guys just like him at Entertainmart’s Halo 2 tourney a couple of weeks ago.
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:20 – Alex moves in with his grandma (Doris Roberts) and her two roommates, one of which is Shirley Jones. That’s right, 73-year old Mrs. Partridge is in a video game movie and she's hot to trot. Thankfully David Cassidy and Danny Bonaduce are nowhere to be found but Susan Dey playing an unplugged keyboard would have been nice.
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:28 – Grandma plays Alex’s yet to be finished home made video game “Demonic”, becoming the first grandmother in history (real or otherwise) to play a video game.
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:34 – Alex finally addresses the obvious, telling Samantha she’s out of place in the video game world as a beautiful woman swimming in a sea of geeks. She doesn’t disagree with him.
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:40 – Oooh! A “Dance Dance Revolution” competition! Its like I’m at the arcade in the mall. Anybody else wants Sbarro’s?
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:53 – A lispy David Spade makes a cameo as a waiter named Shiloh in a scene that surprisingly didn’t make the cutting room floor. Its sad that David Spade’s career ended right after “Tommy Boy” yet he still gets to make movies.
Sandler Mooch Meter: 5
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:57 – Grandma finds Alex’s hidden stash and uses it to make tea for her and her friends. Predictability ensues.
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:58 – 1:08 – Ten minute party with bad karaoke (is there any other kind?), wacky tabacky, leather clad bikers, and strange sex stories that may or may not be true about Charlie Chaplain and Abbot and Costello. Nothing I haven’t seen or heard before.
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1:12 – Thirty-five year old everyman Alex (according to IMBD Covert he’s 42) smooches babe Samantha (Cardellini is 31) providing false hope for video game testers everywhere that beautiful women might actually kiss them.
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1:20 – JP steals Alex’s game “Demonic” (which actually looks pretty decent) and claims it as his own. Alex handles it like most 35-year old single men who test video games and live with their grandmother – poorly. He quits and heads over to Dante’s to let loose and play games with a monkey. And yes that last sentence is true.
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1:25 – Alex gets saved as Samantha figures out the truth and brings his grandmother to see Alex’s boss Mr. Cheezle (Kevin Nealon). Grandma challenges JP in a game of “Demonic” and proceeds to rip his character in half, proving yet again that any grandmother is tougher than a nerd dressed up in a Neo outfit. Credits roll.
Sandler Mooch Meter: 6
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My Mooch Meter was a little off (I'm sure at least 4 other Sandler leeches were involved in some way I didn't see) but after watching this film I can say with confidence that it’s the funniest movie with a video game theme I have ever seen. There are a few awkward moments, a couple of laugh out loud scenes, some dead spots that slow the movie down and a plot only a gaming fan could appreciate but its still an enjoyable flick. I’m sure you have some important questions like - Does it do anything to change the genre of video game flicks? Is it worth owning? Should you start becoming an Allen Covert fanboy? Is it cool to dress as Neo and speak with a robot voice? The answer to those questions are all emphatic NO’s. But if you’re looking to watch a movie with your gamer buddies this might do the trick.
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terry.terrones@gazette.com
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