Tuesday, May 20, 2008

What Kind of Gamer Are You?

The Gamer Level Calculator 1.0 – Are you a hardcore gamer or are you a noob who should just pack your shit and move to France with the rest of the wimps? Maybe you’re somewhere in-between, like porn on Cinemax (not quite porn, not quite rated R). Its time to find out with the handy reference guide below. Add up all your points and check the scoring guide to see where you rank. You’re on the honor system here so don’t cheat.
.
Consoles
Own a current-gen videogame console (+1pt.)
Own two or more current-gen videogame consoles (+1.5pts)
Own a classic console (i.e. NES, Atari 2600, Dreamcast) (+.5pts)
Use a PC as your primary gaming console (-2pts)
.
Gaming Geek Factor
Have padded your stats in any Madden (+.5pts)
Padded your Gamerscore with a game bought or rented (+.25pts)
Padded your Gamerscore with games from Burger King (-.25pts)
Own any videogame related toys/action figures (+.5pts)
Competed in a videogame tournament at a store (+.5pts)
Attended 2 or more midnight releases (+.5pts)
Own 1 or more videogame themed t-shirt (+.5pts)
Called someone a noob online (+.5pts)
Cursed at a complete stranger online or just in general made an ass of yourself online (-3pts)
Wrote a comment on a gaming blog or gaming website (+.5pts)
If you are reading this (+1pt)
Beat Super Mario Bros. (NES), Zelda (NES), Metal Gear Solid (PS1), Halo (Xbox) and GTA III (PS2) (+1pt)
If you ever “accidentally” hit the reset button in the middle of a game because you were about to lose (-.25pts)
Played all of the original versions of following games (+2pts)
- Golden Eye
- Pa Rappa the Rappa
- Tomb Raider
- Crash Bandicoot
- Sonic
- Doom
- NBA Jam
- Resident Evil
- Combat
Played Mary Kate and Ashley: Magical Mystery Mall (-5pts)
.
Dedication to the art form
Subscribe to a videogame magazine (+.25pts)
Subscribe to multiple videogame magazines (+.5pts)
Bought a TV specifically for gaming (+.5pts)
Own 1-4 games (+.25pts)
Own 5-10 games (+.5pts)
Own 11-20 games (+.75pts)
Own 21-99 games (+1pts)
Own 100 or more games (open your own game store already)
Play 0-1 hours of games a week (-2pts)
Play 2-5 hours of games a week (0pts)
Play 6-10 hours of games a week (+.25pts)
Play 11-15 hours of games a week (+.5pts)
Play 16-25 hours of games a week (+1pt)
Play 25 hours or more a week (you are a lonely guy)
.
Gaming IQ
Name 7 videogame publishers (+.5pts)
Name 5 videogame developers (+.5pts)
Name 3 videogame execs (+.5pts)
Name the creator of the Metal Gear franchise (+.25pts)
Name the creator of the Mario franchise (+.25pts)
Name the creator of the Final Fantasy franchise (+.25pts)
Understand and can explain the phrase “the cake is a lie” (+.25pts)
Know where you can find the Union Aerospace Corporation (+.5pts)
Name 12 consoles (+.5pts)
Name the games these 5 characters come from (+.5pts)
- Meryl Silverburgh
- Bastilla
- Andrew Ryan
- Cormano
- Lian Xing
Name at least 2 games Michael “Jester” Ironside did voiceover work for (+.25pts)
.
Scoring Table
.
0-1: The Anti-Gamer – You suck. Why are you even on this site? Go out right now and buy yourself a console and get with the program. I’m serious. Gaming is a bigger business than movies baby! Its time to join the party.
.
2-3: The Noob – You are one of two people. You are A) a guy who owns a console but never plays it (see: dude who bought a PS3 only as a Blu-ray player) or B) you just got into games. If you’re Guy A, dust off your console and put a disc in. I guarantee you’ll enjoy it. If you’re Guy B, you are a noob and will have to game your ass off to lose your noob status. Welcome to gaming, noob.
.
4-5: The Half-Ass Gamer – You play games but are very picky. You can go weeks without playing but when a game comes out that you really like you can play for 6 hours straight, every day for a week. You don’t care about community, you rarely play online or against friends, you only care about what you can get out of a title. Gaming to you is like exercise, its just a good way to blow off some steam. You like it, you enjoy it, but you don’t truly get into it.
.
6-7: Joe Gamer – You are the average gamer. Every gaming magazine and advertising campaign is aimed at you. You tend to play it safe with your titles, playing the “big” games that receive a lot of publicity or games you’ve played previous iterations of (Madden, Halo). You have a few tendencies that, if fed properly, could lead you to being a hardcore gamer but you always keep it under control because you’re already self-conscious about being a gamer because either your friends, your woman, or both give you a hard time about it.
.
8-9: The Hardcore – Gaming is an important part of your life and you make sure to find time for it almost every day. You know your stuff, almost like a gaming historian, but you never rub anybody’s face in it. You feel your mission is to spread gaming around and convert non-gamers into gamers. Gaming is almost an obsession for you, but you are smart enough to only occasionally let the lines between reality and gaming get blurred. You get a kick out of talking about games with anybody who’ll listen, which most of the time is some random guy at a gaming store.
.
10 and up: The Ubergamer – Your knowledge of gaming and its history is Geoff Keighleyesque. You are considered by family and friends to be a walking gaming encyclopedia, mostly because gaming is the only thing you ever talk about but also because you have no boundaries when it comes to showing your love of games. You’re the type of guy who’ll come dressed as a game character at a midnight release and you might even have a game related tattoo. You’ve forgotten more about gaming than most people remember. Joe Gamer and Hardcore gamers admire you, everyone else thinks you're nuts.
.

coloradojoemail@yahoo.com

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Interesting post... Well I got a 4.75 or Half Ass Gamer. Although I think Joe Gamer might describe me a little better. I was close on the original title list, the only one I haven't played was Pa Rappa. Here's my score and comments.

Own a current-gen videogame console (+1pt.)
Own two or more current-gen videogame consoles (+1.5pts)- 360 + PS3
Have padded your stats in any Madden (+.5pts)
Competed in a videogame tournament at a store (+.5pts)- Came in 2nd in Madden and won an NBA Street Tourney
Own 1 or more videogame themed t-shirt (+.5pts)- Although you gave it to me
Cursed at a complete stranger online or just in general made an ass of yourself online (-3pts)- Of course this is Halo related
Wrote a comment on a gaming blog or gaming website (+.5pts)- Guess which one
If you are reading this (+1pt)
If you ever “accidentally” hit the reset button in the middle of a game because you were about to lose (-.25pts)- Tecmo Bowl
Subscribe to a videogame magazine (+.25pts)- Although I don’t pay- it’s sent to me accidently each month. I don’t know why.
Bought a TV specifically for gaming (+.5pts)- Hello HDTV!!!
Own 5-10 games (+.5pts)- Lego Star Wars (PS3), Drakes Uncharted Fortune (PS3), BioShock (XBOX360), Halo 3 (XBOX 360), Rockband (XBOX 360), GTA Liberty City (XBOX360)
Play 6-10 hours of games a week (+.25pts)- I was generous here. Def more on the 6 side.but w/GTA been like 8 lately.
Name 5 videogame developers (+.5pts)
Name 12 consoles (+.5pts)


-Phil

Terry "coloradojoe" Terrones said...

Knowing you as I do, I think you ride the fine line between half assed and average gamer. Until recently, you haven't been playing many games. Right now you're average. Pre-Bioshock, GTAIV, etc, you were Half-Assed. There are long stretches where you played Halo 3 for only an hour a week. I also think the description of a Half Assed Gamer is fairly accurate. Throw in your relatively low videogame IQ (I know you don't know much about developers, publishers, gaming history, game creators, etc) and I think your score is dead on.

The purpose of the calculator is to get a true measure of your gamer level. Most people would probably think I'd be on the Uberlevel but I only scored as a high Hardcore, which even surprised me. But after thinking about it, that level seems about right. I probably could have skewed the results in my favor so I'd be considered an Uber and added things only a gaming journalist probably has done (attended E3, met someone in the gaming industry, received free copies of games, had sex with a booth babe, shit like that)but that felt like cheating.

Keep in mind that this is Gamer Level Calculator 1.0, I'm sure to tweek it over time.

One last thing, the reason you get a free gaming mag is because you have a membership to GameCrazy. They give you a free gaming subscription each time you renew your membership.

Anonymous said...

here's a few more you could have thrown in-

co-hosted a video game podcast (2pts)
regularly listen to video game related podcast or watch video game based tv show (.5pts)
got gonorrhea from a boothe babe (-5pts)