The Review: Guitar Hero II

Shine on you crazy diamond - Console exclusivity has gone the way of the dodo and nobody is happier about it than 360 gamers. "Assassin's Creed" is no longer a Sony exclusive and the next "GTA" game will be finally be out on both consoles on the same day. There have also been rumors that "Final Fantasy XIII," a long time PlayStation stalwart, will finally go multi-platfrom. The lastest title joining the PS2 exodus? The incredibly popular "Guitar Hero" series which makes its brilliant debut on the Xbox 360. Now rock music lovers and Eddie Van Halen worshipers have a chance to rock out on a next gen console.

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For those unfamiliar with the franchise, the "Guitar Hero 2" package comes with a game disc and a guitar controller about 2 1/2 feet long thats modeled after a Gibson X-Plorer. In the game, wannabe Joe Satriani's try to match the rolling color coded symbols on the TV screen with color coded buttons on the guitar fret. The better you match up with what's on the screen, the better the song sounds and the more points you earn. This is a very simple explanation of a complicated game but don't be fooled, this game takes skill. Even on easy mode, "GH2" requires focus and quick thinking. Its set up brilliantly and creates for engrossing, addictive game play.

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Great game play aside, all of this would make for a boring, even tortuous game if not for a great set of songs to play, thankfully "GH2" delivers. Aerosmith, Cheap Trick, The Rolling Stones, Van Halen, Nirvana, Guns 'N Roses, The Police and Lynyrd Skynyrd are some of the big names in the game. There are also a lot of lesser known artists with songs that'll be familiar as well. The good thing is almost all of the songs are solid rock tunes that are really enjoyable to listen to and play. Not only is there a lot of great music but there's a ton of it. "GH2" has 74 songs to start off with but you can download 9 more on Xbox Live Marketplace if you're looking for some Chili Peppers, Ozzy or some Queen.

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You'd think playing a guitar constantly would get old fast but there are plenty of things in "GH2" to keep you busy. Between the practice mode, a very fun multi-player mode and the place where you'll spend most of your time - career mode, there are plenty of things to do. When not shredding, you can visit the in-game store where you can buy new guitars, unlock new characters, costumes, guitar finishes and songs. All of this content just adds to the experience and is guaranteed to give the game a long shelf life.

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While "Guitar Hero 2" is a blast to play and allows gamers to live out their rock 'n roll fantasies, its not for everybody. The 360 version is a port of the PS2 game released last November so some gamers might not be too interested in buying the same game twice or a game that was originally released six months ago. The price is also pretty steep as the game retails for $89.99. The game does come with the disc and the guitar and the trade in value will always be pretty high but $100 for a game is a lot of coin.

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Despite the high price "Guitar Hero 2" is a great game with an enormous track list, solid downloadable content and fantastic game play. If you're a fan of rock and roll and guitar gods, this game is a must buy.

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Guitar Hero 2
Price: $79.99 – $89.99
Rating: T (Teen)
Category: Rythm/Music
Players: 1-2
Formats: Xbox 360, PS2
Grade: A-

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terry.terrones@gazette.com

The Rant: Where have you gone Joe Created Player?

Back in 1995 I played Madden 3 hours a night, 7 nights a week. I was frustrated with the ratings for Terrell Davis, the Broncos second year running back who I knew was due for a breakout season. But in the game he was as slow as an offensive lineman, I think Dan Marino’s speed rating was higher. That year’s Madden was one of the first games to offer a create-a-player and it was a grueling process. I don’t remember all of the button mashing activities I was forced to endure but I do remember one, the forty yard dash. My poor SNES controller took a serious beating as I tried over and over again to get my 40 time under five seconds but it just wasn’t happening. Not a good time for a running back and not a fun way to create a player.
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Over the last 12 years making your own player has been a huge part of gaming, sports games in particular. The chance to star for your favorite team is one of the greatest things about playing a sports title. Unfortunately, the create-a-player feature has been on a very long roller coaster ride. First the options were minimal and painstakingly difficult. Think mindless button mashing so bad not even Neo could move fast enough to earn a good rating. Then create-a-player gradually moved to overly easy, yet microscopically detailed. Any kind of body style you can think of and enough options to consider that it gave the average gamer a God complex. Now, depending on the game, they’re a crappy mix of both. Its time somebody made an executive decision. And since I’m on the subject, let me make a few suggestions.
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Be consistent – Look gaming companies, either make us work for our created player ratings or allow us to have God-like powers, not both, its too damn confusing. We shouldn’t play one game with stupid button mashing drills (“Madden 07”) and then another where we can make a player with stats and an appearance as wild as we can imagine (“NBA 07”). And one company makes both of these games! Make it one way or another, across the board. You’re messing with people’s heads, especially mine. And one last thing, don’t allow me to make a created player and do nothing with him. After making a player in “UEFA”, I quickly realized I could only use him in the games Play Now mode. I was so angry, I flew out to Chicago and threw my copy of “UEFA” through an EA office window. Or at least I would have if I wasn’t so lazy.
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Give us the best of both worlds – Everybody wants to be able to create a player on their own terms but many gamers, including myself, do get a kick out of the button mashing skill tests – if they didn’t matter so much. Since you guys took so much time to come up with some of these ideas, why not make them an optional way to create a player but still allow gamers to adjust their created players rankings. Or better yet, why not make them into mini-games? Sports titles tend to have a short shelf life, a mini-game full of combine activities or workout drills might lengthen it.
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Don’t charge us any frickin’ money! – I hate to pick on EA because I absolutely love the company but no developer has taken greater advantage of paying for downloads to improve a created player than them. “Tiger Woods 07” is a perfect example. You could either make a great created player by earning skill points through victories, or cheat and go to Xbox Live Marketplace and buy points to max yourself out. Why should I pay for something I’ve been able to do for free for years?!? I shouldn’t, that’s the point.
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So lets review. The customer is always right! Allow gamers to choose how to best use the create-a-player feature, give us choices. We just paid big bucks for your game so we should be the one who makes the decision on what we want, not you.

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terry.terrones@gazette.com

The Mole: Life's a beach

Before I get into the latest gaming news, I just wanted to share that today I received my official E3 invite. I'm not sharing this to brag (okay, maybe just a little) but to tell you that judging from the packet I received, the security for this event is going to be tighter than my dad's wallet. Step 1 - Take a photo ID, fingerprint and DNA test the day before the event. Step 2 - Take a body cavity search conducted by a man nicknamed "Fisty". Step 3 - Fill out random forms in triplicate and make your marks dark. Step 4 - You must apply for a home refinance at the low, low rate of 4.9%. Step 5 - Fill out this liability waiver just in case Cliffy B's head explodes while discussing the "Gears of War" movie. What's sad is that none of these things are a deterrent for me.
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E3 runs from July 11-13, make sure you check this site every day from the 10 -14 for all the inside info.
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Cha-ching! - The March NPD data was recently released and the Nintendo DS and the PS2's "God of War II" came out as the big winners. Nintendo sold 508,000 DS's in March. 508K's?!? The poor PSP got its head handed to it, selling only 180,000 units. In the next-gen race the Wii came in first with 259,000, the 360 second with 199,000 and the PS3 in third with 130,000. Game wise 833,000 copies of "God of War II" were sold in March. "GRAW 2" (394,000) and "Guitar Hero 2" (291,000) round out the top three.
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The Xbox is officially dead - Microsoft recently made several additions to its list of Xbox games that are now backwards compatible on the 360. Is there a reason to own one at all? No. Here's the latest.
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Avatar: The Last Airbender
Breakdown
Call of Duty 2: Big Red One
Call of Duty 3,Cars, Crash Bandicoot 5: Wrath of Cortex
Dai Senryaku VII: Modern Military Tactics
FIFA Soccer 2007
Full Spectrum Warrior
Guilty Gear Isuka
JSRF: Jet Set Radio Future
MechAssault 2: Lone Wolf
Mercenaries
NASCAR 2006: Total Team Control
NFL Fever 2004
Oddworld: Munch's Oddysee
Panzer Dragoon ORTA
Phantom Dust
Reservoir Dogs
Return To Castle Wolfenstein
RugbyLeague 2
Sonic Riders
Soul Calibur 2
Star Wars Republic Commando
Street Fighter Anniversary Collection
The King of Fighters Neowave
The King of Fighters 2002 & 2003
Tiger Woods PGA TOUR 07
Tony Hawk's Underground
Ultra Bust-A-MoveUnreal Championship 2: The Liandri Conflict
Xiaolin Showdown
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Get your motor runnin' - The complete list of vehicles for "Forza 2", coming out May 29, is now set. Click http://forzamotorsport.net/news/announcements/carlist.htm to take a peek.
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terry.terrones@gazette.com

The Review: UEFA Champions League

Being a soccer video game lover is a lot like being a “Lost” addict. The history is there so you always think if you’re patient enough, it’ll get better. Wonderful memories of great moments dance through your mind as a new game/episode awaits, and every time you have to convince your friends that normally its better than this and they haven’t seen its real potential. Instead of being convincing, you come off like a desperate boyfriend trying to reconcile with a girl who has moved on.
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Of course, I’m hard-headed so I don’t even bother to pay attention to my own advice. This might explain why I was so excited when I popped “UEFA Champions League 2006-2007” in my Xbox 360. Sure the name is long, convoluted and rolls off the tongue about as well as a Sanskrit adjective but since it was from EA, I had to be in good hands right? Right? As the Dread Pirate Wesley once said, get used to disappointment.
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“UEFA” isn’t without a few attractive qualities. The game looks great. The stadiums are stunning, the players look and move realistically, and the lighting is first rate. The pitch in particular looks so real you can practically smell the grass. Then there is of course, the all inclusive licensing. Unlike its Konami counterpart, you won’t find any Merseyside Red here, just the beautiful kits of my beloved Liverpool along with all the players on the actual roster. Its great! Too bad the game play can’t keep up.
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The passing is woefully inaccurate, with about half of your passes going straight to the defense. Goal scoring is superb, if you’re the type of gamer who likes to work so hard at something it gives you a brain aneurysm. The cause of all of this is the abysmal controls, which are some of the most counter intuitive I’ve ever experienced in a sports sim.
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It gets worse. The game modes are bare bones - Play Now, Tournament, Ultimate Team and Challenge Mode. While Ultimate Team (build your own team using trading cards) is intriguing and Challenge Mode (reliving classic games) are interesting, there’s no league play-in for the UEFA tourney. Why isn’t the ability to win the Premier League an option?
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Then there are the most egregious errors. The created player is only able to be used in Play Now mode? What the heck is the point of that?!? And when did this become standard procedure among sports titles? And imagine my surprise as I’m playing against Everton and I notice a PlayStation 3 advertisement on the wall around the field! Did I mention I was playing this on my Xbox 360? This game isn't even available on the PS3! How did this get past quality control? Billy needs to fire somebody.
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UEFA Champions League 2006-2007
Price: $29.99 – $59.99
Rating: E (Everyone)
Category: Soccer sim
Players: 1-2 (8 online)
Formats: Xbox 360, PS2, PSP
Grade: C-
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Top 5 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Liverpool
1. This year the city is celebrating its 800th anniversary
2. The local airport is called John Lennon Airport
3. It’s the most filmed British city outside of London
4. Liverpool is the most successful soccer city in England with 27 League Championships, 5 European Cups. 3 Eufa cups, 1 cup Winners cup, 12 FA Cups and 6 League Cups
5. Video game developer Bizarre Creations, the creators of the Project Gotham Racing series are based in Liverpool.
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terry.terrones@gazette.com

Virtual Vince

Let's make it official - EA officially announced today that Tennessee Titans QB Vince Young will be the coverboy for this years Madden, not that this was any kind of surprise. After a recent appearance on Jimmy Kimmel where Young more or less told Kimmel he was on the cover, EA really didn't have much choice.

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Young, last seasons rookie of the year, is the youngest NFL player to receive this "honor." And by honor I mean, volunteering to have a crummy 2007 season. The Madden jinx is well known throughout the gaming and pro football communities so I'm not going to bother explaining why Young was just scratched off of every armchair quarterbacks fantasy football draft board. What is even more surprising to me is that the former Texas star was selected over so many more deserving players. His stat line (2,199 passing yards, 552 rushing yards, 12 passing TD's, 7 rushing TD's, 13 picks, 6 fumbles) isn't exactly eye-popping material, even though he did make the Pro Bowl last year. Super Bowl MVP Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, LaDanian Tomlinson and even Drew Brees were certainly more deserving but maybe the Madden curse scared them off. Either way, look for Young to be out for the season by week three.

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Etc. - Tried out the new "Halo 2" maps last night, not too shabby. Both are meant purely for close quarter combat. Its just nice to have a little more variety...Typically I run my game reviews early in the week but after checking out the upcoming release dates, I'm moving them to the end to stretch them out a little. Aside from "Spider-Man 3" coming out in early May, things are looking pretty bleak. There's not too many must have games coming out between now and the end of JUNE! I might have to go a few weeks with a review. Yeah, I know the new "Pirates" game comes out on the new systems but after the last title I'm ignoring it. And yes, I've heard rumors about "Mass Effect" coming out in May but my sources tell me its not happening. If you like what you're playing, hold onto it, we're in for a drought.

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terry.terrones@gazette.com

It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times?!?

I think this is how Steven Spielberg got started - Microsoft and the New York Television Festival announced today the Xbox Live Originals contest. It gives aspiring television producers the opportunity to create a pilot that could be chosen for the first original series developed specifically for the Xbox Live online gaming and entertainment network. Think Project Greenlight but without Ben Affleck around to make it suck.

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Microsoft will award the winning entrant a $100,000 budget and an opportunity for a six-episode commitment to air the television series on Xbox Live. The pilot episode of the winning series is scheduled to debut this fall at the third annual NYTVF, the industry’s first showcase for independent television, before being featured exclusively on Xbox Live.
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To participate in the contest, entrants must produce and submit a short comedy pilot running between five and 15 minutes long. Submissions will be accepted from today through June 29, 2007, from contestants in any of the 25 countries currently supporting Xbox Live. A group of selected finalists will be shown on Marketplace’s video-on-demand service in July, and a winner will be announced at the end of the month. The creators of the winning pilot will receive a budget of $100,000 and an opportunity to produce six additional episodes of the comedy series for Xbox Live and the first episode will premiere at an exclusive event at the 2007 NYTVF in September. Official rules to the Xbox Live Originals contest are available at http://www.newyorktelevisionfestival.com/2007_contests_xbox.htm

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Wanna play? - The downloads for the two new "Halo 2" maps, Desolation and Tombstone, will be available tomorrow. If anyone is interested in playing, I'll be online around 10pm tomorrow.

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terry.terrones@gazette.com

The Review: Def Jam Icon

Can you trust a man with a fro this big? Absolutely - Fighting video games have been around almost as long as video games themselves. Who hasn’t enjoyed playing “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” at the arcade or blasting friends in “Mortal Kombat” on their home console? Fighting games are unique because of the diehard fans of the genre. A true fight gamer treats “Karate Champ” how Roger Ebert treats “Casablanca”, like the classic that it is.
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So can the new “Def Jam: Icon,” an unusual mix of the worlds of rap and butt-kicking, deliver a haymaker? No, but it does have a nice one-two punch.
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“Icon” has a number of different options to keep gamers busy. Creating your own fighter, making your own custom playlist to fight to, and battling friends online and off are just a few ways to spend your time. But the meat of “Icon” is its Build A Label mode. In this career mode, gamers play as a hard nosed tough guy who’s trying to make a name for himself in the competitive and dangerous world of rap producing.
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You start off by creating your own character that gradually goes from errand boy to big time deal maker. Think Diddy (or PDid, or iPid, or whatever the heck he’s going by nowadays) but without Jennifer Lopez to help hide your guns. The accompanying storyline is atypical for a fighter and is well planned out. Signing new artists and keeping them happy (buy paying for paternity tests and bailing their friends out of jail), deciding on a marketing budget and even dealing with gold digging girlfriends will keep your hands full. It’s a nice, and often humorous, way to give gamers an excuse to fight.
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The create-a-player is ridiculously deep and a lot of fun to play around with. Messing around with a wide variety of body types, picking stylish brand name clothes, choosing yourself a fight song, adding tattoos and doubling your body weight in bling is a blast. If you ever wanted some grillz on your teeth but couldn’t afford it, now’s you chance.
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The game presentation is great. The backgrounds are vibrant, very detailed and even shake. The rappers look like their real life counterparts and appear progressively worse as they take a beating. As you would expect from this series, the soundtrack is full of licensed tracks. The music is bouncy, upbeat and perfectly fits the in-game action. Lil Jon, Big Boi, The Game, Ludacris and many other rappers are in the game, but it would’ve been nice too see Jay-Z, LL Cool J and other Def Jam artists available as well.
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Unfortunately, “Icon” drops the mic where its supposed to pump up the volume as the fighting system just isn’t that much fun. Despite having a wide range of combat styles, the attack moves in the game are very basic. Combos, the bread and butter of any fighter, are almost non-existent as the AI only gives you one or two hits before blocking and countering. This leaves gamers with only one alternative. Hit high...wait... hit low, then move your opponent into one of the many danger zones on every level so they can take major damage. This is the plan every time you fight. That’s it! Throw in the fact that the combatants punch so slow they move like they’re underwater and you have a fighter with a fun story line but weak fighting game play, not a good combo.
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If you like hip hop and thumping people in beautiful settings this game is for you, but die-hard fans of the genre should look other places to get their fight fix.
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Def Jam: Icon
Price: $59.99
Rating: M (Mature 17+)
Category: 3D Fighter
Players: 1-2 (2 online)
Formats: Xbox 360, PS3
Grade: C+
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Top 5 Things You Should Know About “Karate Champ”
1. Made an appearance in the movie “Bloodsport” with Jean Claude Van Damme and easily out acted him
2. Debuted in 1984 and developed by Technos Japan Corp., who also created “Double Dragon”
3. Original title was “The Way of Karate”
4. The first game to allow gamers to kick guys in the groin
5. Needs to be on Xbox Live Arcade almost as much as “Cyberball”
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terry.terrones@gazette.com

Halo 3 Beta News

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Call in sick - Microsoft finally announced today when gamers can play its long anticipated "Halo 3" beta, Wednesday May 16. Xbox Live gamers will be able to download (at 5am PDT) and play on three maps exclusive to the game - Snowbound, Valhalla and High Ground. Gamers will also be able to try out the new all-terrain vehicle The Mongoose, the new and improved assault rife, the Brute Spiker, Spike Grenades and the new Spartan Laser. The beta ends June 6 at 11:59pm (PDT).

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If you're interested in more info on "Halo 3," check out the behind the scenes video feature at www.bungie.net.

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terry.terrones@gazette.com

The Running Diary: Grandma's Boy

Turning a video game into a movie has been about as successful as turning a rapper into an actor. It sounds like a good idea, but in hindsight some poor movie studio exec ends up getting fired for pitching an absurd premise that not even Quentin Tarantino could make plausible. As a lover of video games, I just have to accept the fact that movies with a video game theme suck. Just look at the history.
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“Tron” (1982), “Last Starfighter” (1984), “Final Fantasy” “The Wizard” (1989), “Super Mario Bros.” (1993), “Street Fighter” (1994), “Mortal Kombat” (1995), “Final Fantasy” (2001), “Doom” (2005), “Resident Evil” (2002, 2004), Bloodrayne” (2005), “Silent Hill” (2006) – every single one of these has been a dud. So when “Grandma’s Boy” came out in January of 2006 I completely ignored it until a couple of friends of mine told me about it. A movie about a 35-year old video game tester with a tagline of “Sex. Drugs. Nakedness. Rude Language…And proud of it!”? How could I resist?
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Before I get to the running diary of this funny (yet still incredibly flawed even for a video game movie) movie, let me give you a warning. This is an R-rated flick with – as the tagline clearly states – plenty of sex, nakedness and rude language. This is not “Finding Nemo” so keep kids away from this movie. There are also a couple of scenes that are just downright wrong, but again in a humorous, adult, did-I-just-see-what-I-thought-I-saw kind of way. If that’s not enough of a parental warning, I hope you have some money saved for child’s therapy. Now that you’ve been given your parental guidance suggestion, lets get going.
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Grandma’s Boy
Rating: R
Running time: 94 minutes
Release date: 1/6/06
Starring: Linda Cardellini, Allen Covert, Shirley Jones, Doris Roberts, Kevin Nealon
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:00 – The opening credits remind me this is a Happy Madison Production. This means Adam Sandler must of lost a bet to his friends and had to pay for them to make a movie about whatever they wanted to during a late night drinking binge. Over/under on the number of Sandler mooches will be in this movie – 10.
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:02 – The Sandler Mooch counter hits two right off the bat as the opening scene features two long time Sandler lackeys playing “Fight Night” on the Xbox. Jonathan Loughran, the cross-eyed linebacker from “The Waterboy,” is losing miserably to Allen Covert the movies main character, Alex. A quick check of Covert’s filmography shows he’s been in 13 Sandler flicks, 13!!! Covert must have saved Sandler’s life as a kid or something.
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:04 – Rob Schneider has a brief cameo, showing his range as he reprises his role as the delivery guy from “Big Daddy.” In this movie he has a different name but the same bad accent and hairstyle. Evidently he got a promotion or an inheritance because now he’s Alex’s landlord and promptly evicts him. Gee, I wonder where he could be heading? What’s the title of this movie again?
Sandler Mooch Meter: 3
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:06 – On the way to grandma’s Alex stops by his pal drug dealer Dante house. Dante (actual name, Peter Dante, very creative) has been in 8 Sandler flicks. Nepotism, its what pays for dinner! I quickly remember that Dante and Alex played boyfriend and boyfriend in “Big Daddy.” I wonder if this movie is what Sandler had to promise them in order to take those roles.
Sandler Mooch Meter: 4
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:07 – Alex giving lessons to little kids at a wedding on how to beat a video game. I now feel an odd kinship with this character.
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:09 - 11 – Disgusting yet hilarious scene involving Alex and a Lara Croft doll. No further description is required.
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:12 – We meet Samantha, played by the gorgeous Linda Cardellini (“ER”, Thelma in the “Scooby Doo” films). She is now the most beautiful woman, real or otherwise, to work in the video game industry and proof that movies are completely fictional.
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:15 – We meet my favorite character in this movie, JP. The movies antagonist looks like he’s seen “The Matrix” about 50 times too many as he’s dressed like the love child of Neo and Trinity, right down to the full length leather jacket. I don’t know what makes me laugh harder, the actor playing this guy or the fact that I saw three guys just like him at Entertainmart’s Halo 2 tourney a couple of weeks ago.
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:20 – Alex moves in with his grandma (Doris Roberts) and her two roommates, one of which is Shirley Jones. That’s right, 73-year old Mrs. Partridge is in a video game movie and she's hot to trot. Thankfully David Cassidy and Danny Bonaduce are nowhere to be found but Susan Dey playing an unplugged keyboard would have been nice.
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:28 – Grandma plays Alex’s yet to be finished home made video game “Demonic”, becoming the first grandmother in history (real or otherwise) to play a video game.
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:34 – Alex finally addresses the obvious, telling Samantha she’s out of place in the video game world as a beautiful woman swimming in a sea of geeks. She doesn’t disagree with him.
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:40 – Oooh! A “Dance Dance Revolution” competition! Its like I’m at the arcade in the mall. Anybody else wants Sbarro’s?
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:53 – A lispy David Spade makes a cameo as a waiter named Shiloh in a scene that surprisingly didn’t make the cutting room floor. Its sad that David Spade’s career ended right after “Tommy Boy” yet he still gets to make movies.
Sandler Mooch Meter: 5
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:57 – Grandma finds Alex’s hidden stash and uses it to make tea for her and her friends. Predictability ensues.
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:58 – 1:08 – Ten minute party with bad karaoke (is there any other kind?), wacky tabacky, leather clad bikers, and strange sex stories that may or may not be true about Charlie Chaplain and Abbot and Costello. Nothing I haven’t seen or heard before.
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1:12 – Thirty-five year old everyman Alex (according to IMBD Covert he’s 42) smooches babe Samantha (Cardellini is 31) providing false hope for video game testers everywhere that beautiful women might actually kiss them.
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1:20 – JP steals Alex’s game “Demonic” (which actually looks pretty decent) and claims it as his own. Alex handles it like most 35-year old single men who test video games and live with their grandmother – poorly. He quits and heads over to Dante’s to let loose and play games with a monkey. And yes that last sentence is true.
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1:25 – Alex gets saved as Samantha figures out the truth and brings his grandmother to see Alex’s boss Mr. Cheezle (Kevin Nealon). Grandma challenges JP in a game of “Demonic” and proceeds to rip his character in half, proving yet again that any grandmother is tougher than a nerd dressed up in a Neo outfit. Credits roll.
Sandler Mooch Meter: 6
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My Mooch Meter was a little off (I'm sure at least 4 other Sandler leeches were involved in some way I didn't see) but after watching this film I can say with confidence that it’s the funniest movie with a video game theme I have ever seen. There are a few awkward moments, a couple of laugh out loud scenes, some dead spots that slow the movie down and a plot only a gaming fan could appreciate but its still an enjoyable flick. I’m sure you have some important questions like - Does it do anything to change the genre of video game flicks? Is it worth owning? Should you start becoming an Allen Covert fanboy? Is it cool to dress as Neo and speak with a robot voice? The answer to those questions are all emphatic NO’s. But if you’re looking to watch a movie with your gamer buddies this might do the trick.
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terry.terrones@gazette.com

The Review: MotorStorm

About twelve years ago I was driving along the highway when I saw something so beautiful I let out a barely audible Keanu Reeves-like “Whoa.” A 1968 Chevy Camaro was parked just off the side of the road and it was gorgeous. It was cherry red with two white racing stripes streaking up the hood and sliding down the very small trunk. For two weeks the For Sale sign in its window had me daydreaming about getting rid of my current rust bucket and roaring down the highway like a man with his hair on fire. Tired of drooling all over myself every time I passed the Camaro, I decided it was time to talk to the owner, a mechanic.
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Up close, the car was even more stunning than I thought. The interior was spotless and everywhere there were gauges that measured random things that were lost on a non-gearhead like me. The engine had so much chrome on it you had to lift the hood in the shade for fear of being blinded by the reflection. It was like staring at a lighthouse. It was a thing of beauty, until I turned the ignition. The car sounded worse than Speed Buggy but being young, stupid and completely inexperienced with cars I let the older mechanic assuage my fears telling me it just needed tuning up and it would run great. He lied. Six months and a ton of repair bills later I traded my beautiful Camaro straight-up for a two-door hatchback. As usual, I learned my lesson the hard way – looks can be deceiving.
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While I never made the same mistake with another car again, I have been tricked by beautiful video games and this continues to be a problem. I saw the new PS3 game “MotorStorm” at a Best Buy the day before it was released. The graphics were so amazing I had to get it. On the day it came out I headed over to GameCrazy and threw down my $60, (SCEA doesn’t send me squat!) ran home and popped in the disc. I was so happy to have a game besides “Resistance” to play on the PS3, or so I thought. Once again I had been tricked! Gaahh!!!
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“MotorStorm” is set in a Mad Maxian world where large groups of people like to race each other in different parts of the Grand Canyon, trying to smash each others rides or plow them off of cliffs in a sprint to the finish line. There are a nice variety of vehicles that gamers will get to drive – motorcycles, dune buggies, ATV’s, trucks and rigs each have their own strengths and weaknesses.
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The graphics are Heidi Klum gorgeous, in fact its probably the best looking game I’ve ever seen. The lighting effects and race courses are so photo-realistic; gamers will feel like wiping mud off of their faces as it gets splattered on the screen. The vehicles all have attention to detail that is second to none and show wear and tear as the race goes on. The crashes (and you’ll see plenty) are both hilarious and spectacular as bits and pieces of cars fly every which way. If you’re the daring sort you can even turn on the motion sensor on the Sixaxis controller and try steering your vehicle yourself.
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While all of this sounds spectacular, it doesn’t come close to making up for “MotorStorm’s” glaring weaknesses. The game play is atrocious! The steering is looser than a Cripple Creek slot machine (or so they say). Even experienced racing gamers will find themselves falling off of cliffs, mistiming jumps, and blowing themselves up over and over and over again by hitting even the smallest of objects. The first few times this is amusing, funny even, but after awhile its (John) maddening!
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“MotorStorm” is also missing a number of classic racing game features. There is no on-screen map, no radar to tell you where your opponents are, only 8 race tracks, no vehicle ratings, only two measly camera angles, no rear view, and only one race type. Worst of all there is no off-line multiplayer! How am I supposed to race with friends when they come over?
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Throw in the frequent PS3 updates that make you restart your console, the long loading times that were supposed to go the way of Britney Spears sanity with the death of the PS2, and the screaming garbage for music that passes as a soundtrack for this title and gamers are left with a beautiful game that’s like a velvet painting of Elvis. Oh it might look good and catch your eye, but you don’t really want to own one. The only place racing fans will get any enjoyment is online (where the human drivers crash and burn as much as you do) but even that is tarnished by the long queue gamers have to endure while waiting for races to finish. Its not worth the wait.
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The heart of any video game is in its game play and that’s where “MotorStorm” is severely lacking. Combine this with its weak list of features and this game is nothing more than eye candy. Once again I’ve learned something the hard way, I’m just thankful it wasn’t a car.
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MotorStorm
Price: $59.99
Category: Off-road racing
Players: One (Up to 12 online)
Formats: PS3
Grade: C-

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Terry's Top 5 All-Time Racing Games

1. Super Mario Kart (Super NES) - Best console racing game ever.

2. Gran Turismo 3 A-Spec (PS2) - One of the best looking games on the PS2 with super realistic driving controls.

3. Project Gotham Racing 3 (Xbox 360) - Beautiful game, excellent controls, with a nice variety of locales.

4. Ivan "Ironman" Stewarts Super Off Road Racer (Arcade) - This 1989 arcade game is the best arcade racer ever.

5. GTA series (PS2) - While there's a lot of other stuff going on and its not a traditional racing series, the driving aspects of the GTA series are a blast. There is no game out there with a wider variety of vehicles to drive and a more open world to drive them in.
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terry.terrones@gazette.com